"Jessica"
Clairvoyant Case Study
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"Jessica" Lesbian Reading by Jean Mastellone Names and other identifying facts have been changed.
Any similarity to person's living or dead is purely coincidental.
Jessica is a lesbian in her twenties. Today’s date is June 4, 1994. As I am looking at this woman, I’m seeing someone who is playing a victim role and a passive role. She is in pain, feeling that somebody is always dumping her or dumping on her.
Jessica is unable to have a long-term relationship. She is painfully lonely, isolated, and believes there is something very wrong with her. She keeps looking for mates. Jessica’s relationships do not last more than a few days or nights and occasionally a little longer.
First Energy Center
I am seeing an energy cord going out from her first energy center to another woman in the crowd. It is a dependency cord. Jessica is dependent right now on this woman. She believes she has to have a relationship to feel good about herself and to feel loved. I'm getting the word DISHEVELED. She is inadequate and disheveled.
Second Energy Center
There is strong control of feelings in her second energy center. She has many ideas that she is not good enough. Jessica is always looking. She goes from one place to another looking for the right woman. She is out of place in her job and thinks that everyone knows she is a lesbian. She is ashamed about that but sometimes feels indifferent. At times, Jessica blocks herself off from her shameful experience. Nevertheless, she does feel ashamed. She goes to lesbian rallies to try to overcome her shame and convince herself that she is doing the right thing by being a lesbian. Nevertheless, I’m seeing that she does not feel right about it and it is greatly bothering her.
Jessica takes the women's role in sexual relationships she also wants a woman to be harsh, mean and strong with her and treat her badly sexually. She thinks she does not deserve anything good. She often has a sense of dullness and depression. This is because she is closing herself off from her how she actually feels. Jessica is somehow stuck on her childhood. I'm seeing that her father and an uncle abused Jessica sexually at five years old. Those feelings certainly feel like incest and sexual abuse. There is a feeling of deep hopelessness in her and she seems to be living in the past. She has the sense that she cannot get out of that period. However, it seems that she does not consciously remember about the sexual abuse. She feels inadequate and bad as the result of those experiences. There are many ideas of dependency here in her second energy center. There is also much depression, hopelessness, and disheveled-ness.
Third Energy Center
I'm seeing much anger in her third energy center. In addition, as I have seen before with several lesbians, Jessica gets angry for a cause but she does not often get angry personally. She rolls over in her relationships and tries to please. It is even difficult for her to express for the lesbian cause because she deep down she doesn't believe in it. Jessica feels guilty and inadequate about trying to express that it is right to be with a woman. She has much guilt about this, but she does allow her anger to come out in this way. However, even as she is showing her anger, her hopelessness, fear and depression also become visible.
Fourth Energy Center
Jessica has blocked off her heart center. There is a ton of purple around it. In the purple represents many ideas of what love means. She seems religious and has religious ideas about what love and God means. Jessica believes, on a deep subconscious level, (maybe it's not so deep), that God is going to punish her for the evil she's doing, for being a bad person. In addition, she is relating being a bad person to her choices for lesbianism. She is trying to hide that belief, but she thought that way before becoming a lesbian. Moreover, this had to do with her choices in relation to sexual abuse when she was five years old.
I'm seeing things written in Jessica’s heart center, vows she took that she would never love a man, never allows a man in, never allow a man to invade her in anyway. She sees sexual activity from men as an invasion. Also in her heart center, Jessica uses this saying, “Every very cloud has a silver lining.” She is hoping that her next experience will be a positive one. She is waiting for the right person to come along so, she keeps looking, hoping, and believing that the right woman will take away her feelings of inadequacy. In addition, if she could get someone to love her that would validate her and take away her feelings of inadequacy and depression. This is why she is looking for a special person to love her so she can feel good.
Fifth Energy Center
In Jessica’s fifth energy center there is orange, which represents creative expression. There is blue around it, which is intellectual energy. This is telling me that she is not expressing a lot. Maybe this has to do with her work. She does things creatively. Maybe she works in art. It might be for a newspaper. Jessica’s intellectual ideas hold her creativity in place. Let me see what some of those ideas are. Her ideas have to do with her work and she values what people think of her. At work she often feels inadequate and humiliated. At work, she does not want people to know she is a lesbian. Yet, she goes to lesbian rally's to gain confidence within herself about being a lesbian.
Sixth Energy Center
There is much gold energy in her sixth energy center. The gold energy symbolizes control of what she is seeing. I'm seeing ideas, "I don't want to see my daddy anymore or my uncle Jim. I don't want to see what they did to me." Jessica is in extreme reaction to sexual abuse. It appears that she does not consciously know that she was sexually abused as far as I can tell. Jessica is holding these ideas and saying I do not want to see these ideas or remember these memories. This is one reason has gone towards women. She doesn't want to activate all the associated feelings. She doesn't want to remember and being with a man would probably activate those feelings. Yet, Jessica is still experiencing the inadequacy, humiliation and shame, but she is not willing to acknowledge that they are mostly the result of her choices in relation to the sexual abuse.
Seventh Energy Center
As I am looking at Jessica’s seventh energy center, I'm seeing dark blue. This is an indication of much fear. There is fear of going against religious ideas and fear of going against established principals and norms.
This is a deep-seated fear. The fear of going against religious beliefs and in particular a fear that God will punish her severely. This fear is pretty much subconscious in her. Jessica believes that she has rebelled and put the Church and her religious experience behind her. She is much more conscious of her fear of not being accepted by society than her fear in relation to her religious beliefs.
I'm seeing a lot of gold all around Jessica’s head. There’s a tremendous amount of control of ideas and her memory. She is extremely structured in her thinking and not allowing much reality in. She is trying to take on feminist ideas and enact them without feeling them.
Jessica feels guilty about what she’s doing and yet this is what she thinks she should be doing in order to survive as a lesbian woman. She tells herself that going to lesbian rallies is building her character, so she's believing what she wants to believe and trying to live from this set of ideas within the lesbian movement. She is being insincere with herself and giving herself all kinds of excuses for the guilt that she feels in being a lesbian.
End of Peek []
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